Week 3 Predictions

So this is my dedication to you, the faceless readers: Here I am in a Mariott in Hotlanta, kinda buzzed after an open-bar wedding reception. I'm in the lobby with a mini bottle of white Merlot from Sutter Home, as Saving Private Ryan plays on TBS on the big TV about 40 feet to my right. I've got to be awake in 5 hours to drive back to Orlando to get in in time for my shift at work, but such is my dedication, faceless readers, that I went to the lobby (away from my drunk girlfriend) to update with my picks. I fucking hate you, faceless readers.


Sunday
Dallas Cowboys at Chicago Bears - The Bears will still allow huge points.
New York Giants at Washington Redskins - The Giants will still allow huge points.
Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons - I saw people checking in to the hotel with Peppers jerseys in tow. Leftwich is set with the Falcons but I don't know if he'll play. Either way, it won't make a fucking bit of difference.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Denver Broncos - Jville is gonna be good this year but I dunno if they can handle the Donkos a mile above sea level.
Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders - Sweet Jesus what a stinker of a matchup.
Cincinnati Bengals at Seattle Seahawks - Home team.
St. Louis Rams at Tampa Bay Buccaneers - All aboard the busted-ass broke down Jeff Garcia bandwagon!
San Francisco 49ers at Pittsburgh Steelers - Upset special. The Steelers aren't as good as everybody wants them to be. Fucking bank on this. I promise you.
San Diego Chargers at Green Bay Packers - :favreduck:
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs - I don't want to upset my current girlfriend by picking my ex-girlfriend's team over her team.
Miami Dolphins at New York Jets - One of the best rivalries in the NFL comes to this.
Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans - The Texans' D is expected to do well because they have so far. The Colts lost the last time they played Houston at home, but I really think Indy is gonna blow Houston away.
Detroit Lions at Philadelphia Eagles - Westbrook carries the team to victory.
Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots - The New England Patriots: Cheating Our Way to Victory Since 2001.
Arizona Cardinals at Baltimore Ravens - Whatever. Bird-based teams don't interest me.

Monday
Tennessee Titans at New Orleans Saints - They'll be pissed after losing to the Bucs and the Titans aren't that hot. Plus they'll be in the Superdome, where the ghosts of all the disenfranchised blacks displaced by Katrina will haunt the visiting team with visions of pooing on each other and rapes and murders.