Week 1 predictions

Regular season football is finally fucking here. Let's get this show on the road:

Thursday
New Orleans at Indianapolis - This is probably what the Superbowl should've been. As good as the Saints were last year (and will be this year), good AFC teams beat good NFC teams.

Sunday
Atlanta at Minnesota - Neither of these teams are very good, although the Vikes could have an offense decent enough to wine a few games.
Carolina at St. Louis - Home team.
Denver at Buffalo - Buffalo's not quite there. The Donkos are hoping they have everything in place to go to the Super Bowl now that The Snake is gone.
Kansas City at Houston - If Matt Schaubb can stay upright.
Miami at Washington - The Redskins aren't being hailed as championship contenders this year, which might mean they actually are somehow?
New England at N.Y. Jets - As much as I hate it, it's really tough to pick against the Patriots.
Philadelphia at Green Bay - Brett Favre should just stick to being a fantasy football QB.
Pittsburgh at Cleveland - The Steelers aren't that good anymore, Roethlisberger is overrated, the bandwagon is no longer a fun place to be, and this will be the year all of these crushing realizations come down on Steelers fans... but they're still better than the Browns.
Tennessee at Jacksonville - The Jaguars will probably be a little disorganised after Leftwich's release.
Chicago at San Diego - Huge blowout potential here.
Detroit at Oakland - Cripple fight!
Tampa Bay at Seattle - Prove me wrong, Bucs.
N.Y. Giants at Dallas - This game should give a good indication of whether or not Romo is for real and if Eli can finally get his fucking head in the game and play for 60 minutes.

Monday
Baltimore at Cincinnati - The Ravens' D is getting old. They're still gonna be a solid unit this year, but they're away, so why not?
Arizona at San Francisco - The '49ers are a far superior team. Also, I'd like more Monday Night Football double-headers. It's pretty exciting, actually. When football is still on at midnight, I feel like I'm living on the West Coast.