College Companion

Continuing my determination to look at college football on a writing basis, we'll turn our attention to Week 3.

Thursday brings us #4 West Virginia visiting Maryland. I'd reckon WV beats the hell out of the Terps. Also, TCU plays at Air Force. Who cares.

Friday brings an 8:00 PM matchup between Oklahoma State @ Troy. I guess Troy will win 'cause they're the home team? I don't know. As I said, 119 teams is a lot to keep track of. I like it better when ranked teams play unranked teams (and then Div I-AA teams beat #5 teams).

So, on to Saturday. Fuck all the noon kickoffs. The 1:00 PM kickoffs suck, too, unless you've got a hardon for #20 Clemson against Furman. Wasn't he the racist cop that planted evidence to frame OJ? Anyway, there's fuck all on TV until 3:30 PM so you can sleep in Saturday. Just make sure you're awake for #22 Tennessee's trip to #5 Florida. Football Jesus AKA Tim Tebow will have his first real test Saturday. Me, I'll be walking about a mile to the new UCF stadium to see the Knights take on the 'Horns in the opening game at Brighthouse Stadium. After a quarter or so of play, when the Longhorns are up 31-3, I'll probably walk home and catch the rest of the Tenn. - UF game. Also at 3:30, Notre Dame visits Michigan. It'd be great if it were possible for both teams to wind up 0-3 but someone's got to win so I hope it's Michigan because fuck the Irish. Right up the ass.

So at 8:00 PM, #1 USC visits #14 Nebraska. It's on ABC, so this'll be my first chance to see USC in action this year. Frankly, I don't buy it. When USC is made to play LSU or VA Tech, I'll respect them. Until then, keep beating up on San Jose state, you fucking Left Coast queers. Hopefully Nebraska will husk your corn, whatever that means. Also, #21 Boston College visits #15 Georgia Tech, which is one of the only games where two ranked opponents play each other this week. I'll take the rambling wrecks from Georgia Tech.

9:30 brings #24 Hawaii to UNLV, where Colt Brennan will throw for 8,000 yards and 40 TDs and people will still talk about him deserving a Heisman despite the fact that any jackoff could throw for those kinds of numbers in the WAC.

10:00 PM gives FSU a chance to visit the Colorado Holed-up-in-a-cave-in-a-Mountainmen. Fuck the 'Noles. End transmission.