College Footlawl

Today marks the start of football games that actually mean something as college football (FINALLY!) begins. I generally shy away from paying too much attention to college football since I have enough trouble keeping up with the 32 NFL teams so the 1,000,000,000 or so NCAA teams out there are a bit much. It seems like new schools are being founded each year just so the top 10 teams have a few cupcake whipping posts to start the year 2-0. But hey, that didn't stop UCF from losing to made-up-sounding East Carolina last year.

Some highlights tonight include Miami, Ohio playing hilariously-named Ball State; Southeast Missouri State visiting the Cincinnati Bearcats, my absolute favorite mascot name. I guess Tulsa gets a mention, since they're the Golden Hurricane and I can't possibly fathom how they ever thought hurricanes = Oklahoma. If you've got a black-and-white monitor or are a dog, you'll delight in watching Weber State play on Boise State's awful blue carpet on ESPN360. Oh, and #2 LSU takes on #85 Mississippi State tonight, which is what I'll be watching because who doesn't love SEC powerhouses beating the shit out of shithole programs? Of course, the first national broadcast is Tulsa at Louisiana-Monroe on ESPN2, but the thing is who cares?

And hey, since I'm basically shouting in an empty room and like the sound of my own voice, let's blather on about more upcoming exciting games!

Friday has just two games: Navy @ Temple (7:30, ESPNU) and Washington @ Syracuse (8:00, ESPN). Fun fact: Navy had the #1 rushing offense in the country last season. True story. 19 guys rushed at least once for a grand total of 3,929 yards. Total pass yards for Navy? 728.

Saturday's schedule threatens to overwhelm my scrollwheel. Let's take a look at who some top-ranked teams are taking on in week 1: #5 Michigan faces Appalachian State; #9 Virginia Tech faces aforementioned East Carolina; #11 Ohio State faces Youngstown State. Only #15 Tennessee looks to face any real competition in week 1, going against #12 California.

Sunday only gives us one game, and it's only on Sunday because it starts at 5 minutes past fucking midnight and won't be nationally broadcast anywhere. Northern Colorado flies 400,000 miles to get their jet-lagged asses handed to them by #23 Hawaii. This is the first time Hawaii's ever been ranked, and perhaps rightfully so. This kid Colt Brennan threw for 5,549 yards and 58 TDs last season, but honestly how hard can it be in a conference featuring powerhouses like Utah State and (for some reason) Louisiana Tech?

Monday brings what will no doubt be a very exciting game as Texas Tech travels to hated rival Southern Methodist. (I have no idea if they are actual rivals.) ESPN somehow managed to secure the broadcast rights to this exciting matchup. After the game, stay tuned to ESPN (assuming your faces weren't rocked off by the last game) 'cause #19 Florida State visits Clemson. Maybe set an alarm or something in case you fall asleep during the 4-o'clock game.

So that's college this week. Hooray! It's finally football season!