An In-Depth Look at

the Carolina Panthers.

Offense
Carolina's had a solid offense for a few years now, and with Keyshawn Johnson added to the roster, I'd say it's gonna be even harder to shut down the Panthers this season. I remember watching the Panthers-Seahawks NFC championship game and seeing Steve Smith catch 5 balls for a whopping 33 yards. At one point, and I swear to God this is true, CBS put a little yellow arrow on the screen to indicate "#89 - Steve Smith," that's how shut-down he was.

Anyway, when the one guy capable of catching a forward pass can't because he's being mobbed by opposing players and your running game consists of guys I've never heard of (Edit: I want to point out that of course I didn't forget about DeShaun Foster, but I bet you forgot he was injured when the Panthers played the Seacocks), it's no surprise your pass rating is gonna be 0.9 going into the 4th quarter. In the whole game, Delhomo threw 1 TD and 3 INTs and was sacked twice. I'd wager if you could replay that game with Keyshawn Johnson as #2 receiver, the Superbowl would've ended with the refs handing the Steelers the game anyway, but a different team would've gone home feeling robbed.

I'm not afraid to admit I've never heard of 90% of Carolina's offense. It doesn't really matter, 'cause for the past few years, the Panthers have had an intangible oneness about them. They click. They work together as a team. They are the well-oiled, smooth-running counterpart to the Bucs' rusty herky-jerk unreliable team. Plus, Jake Delhomme is, like Vito Spatafore, a real come-from-behind guy. And I mean that in the sense that he's capable of leading his team to victory from seemingly unsurmountable defecits, not in the sense that he takes cock up the ass (but he might do this, too).

At the start of last season, everybody was saying Carolina was going to the big game. Don't lie to me, fuckers; you probably said it, too. I didn't say it, though. I was too busy predicting the Jets were going to take it all last year. Though I hardly think that can count against me because really, who would've forseen the Jets completely destroying 4 goddamned QBs?

Anyway- Carolina offense: Who? Eh, doesn't matter.

Defense
Much like the offense, I've never heard of any of these guys. Sure, Julius Peppers and Mike Rucker do their jobs, but hey, double up on those guys and you've done a lot towards stopping their pass rush.

And really, like the offense, it doesn't matter that they don't have icon players because they will play solidly. Edit: I want to flesh this out, because I don't want it to seem like I'm dismissing the league's #3 overall defense. I'm not. I'm simply saying a) the defense, much like the offense, doesn't have what you might call icon players- names known beyond we football addicts for whom the preseason is like cold-turkey heroin withdrawal, and b) I doubt the NFL's third-best defense cares too much about their lack of Troy Polamalu, that's all.

To flesh my feelings on it out more would require a separate post (which I will probably write very soon), but I wanted to highlight the Bucs and the Panthers first because they seem to be the two opposite ends of the spectrum as far as teams coming together, at least as far as the NFC goes. The Bucs won't win in spite of their All-Pro defense; they don't have the intagible quality, that cohesion. The Panthers won't win, either, and that's a goddamned shame because they do have that cohesion. All I need to do to get the warm-fuzzies is think back to Delhomme's first season with the Panthers after being a nobody for the goddamned New Orleans Ain'ts when he won the Superbowl against the Patriots. Of course, their kicker promptly lost the game for them, but that's life. End edit.

Overall
Unfortunately, I don't see the Panthers getting close to the Superbowl again for a very long time. Sure, they'll be a perennial contender, and will probably be the number one headache in the NFC South for me as a Bucs fan, but that's about it. Keyshawn Johnson's gonna do a lot as far as taking the pressure off Steve Smith and will help Delhomme immensely, but he is 33 years old. Yeah, I know I dismissed that argument with the Bucs' receivers, but Keyshawn's a fucking asshole and I can see him holding out after this year for even more money. The Panthers won't pay it because Keyshawn Johnson is not the threat he once was. I mean, the whole reason the Panthers signed him was to act as a distraction so maybe Delhomme could throw the ball to Steve Smith some more.

Keyshawn will walk and get signed by some dickhole team like the Browns for one year at $30.9 million, take the money, then run.

But that's not your problem, Carolina fans. Your problem is going to be losing in the playoffs for the next 4 or 5 years. But take heart: you've got a team you shouldn't be embarrassed by, except for the fact that the logo for the Panthers always makes me think of those airbrushed wolf t-shirts.

In Summary
Keyshawn plays his final year next year in Cleavelolnd; Panthers make the playoffs every year for the next 4 or 5 or until they get rid of Delhomme, whichever comes first; Panthers logo? Kinda gay.