Week 16 predictions

It's not all bleak though, is it? Let's make some fucking predictions.

Thursday
Pittsburgh Steelers at St. Louis Rams - The Rams will be looking to play spoiler, but they're not nearly good enough.


Saturday
Dallas Cowboys at Carolina Panthers - Not even Jessica Simpson's presence could fuck this up. The Panthers are struggling thanks to injuries.


Sunday
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at San Francisco 49ers - Sports radio was talking about how going to San Francisco fucks up an East Coast team. Possible explanations were jetlag, dehydration, and black magic. Either way, the Bucs just clinched their division and are playing shit hot right now.

New York Jets at Tennessee Titans - Who would've thought that the AFC South would be the closest division at this point in the season? With the AFC pretty much wrapped up, the Titans are one of the few teams in the conference left alive in the struggle for the playoffs. If Vince Young doesn't fuck this up too bad, they'll win.

Baltimore Ravens at Seattle Seahawks - Baltimore's streak goes to 0-9.

Atlanta Falcons at Arizona Cardinals - What the Christ, Bobby Petrino?

Washington Redskins at Minnesota Vikings - Both teams would really like a stab at the playoffs, but the Vikes are home and Purple Jesus is vertical again.

Philadelphia Eagles at New Orleans Saints - The Saints are in trouble.

Oakland Raiders at Jacksonville Jaguars - The Jaguars have been playing lights-out lately. They're gonna want to lock up a playoff spot and beating up on Oakland should definitely help.

New York Giants at Buffalo Bills - The Giants need a win here, but Eli is sort of inconsistent. Y'know, in case you hadn't noticed.

Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots - Please? Let's face it, the '72 Dolphins being in Miami for the first win of the season doesn't mean shit. This is a Christmas miracle early.

Kansas City Chiefs at Detroit Lions - Another cripple fight for draft order. I'm just going with the home team here.

Houston Texans at Indianapolis Colts - Yeop. Even with this loss, the Texans might still finish 8-8. I can't believe that's true.

Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears - SUPER BOWL LOSER CURSE

Cleveland Browns at Cincinnati Bengals - Sorry, the Browns.


Monday
Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers - I like the Chargers personally, so let's say they win.