Sunday
Baltimore at Tennessee - The Titans are a joke.
Buffalo at Indianapolis - Laser, rocket arm.
Cleveland at Atlanta - The Titans are a joke, too.
Green Bay at Minnesota - Oh, Brett.
Houston at Jacksonville - There are a lot of games this week where stronger teams take on weiner teams.
Kansas City at Miami - Call me crazy. The Dolphins are gonna be charged after beating Chicago last week.
N.Y. Jets at New England - Call me crazy again, but I think the Jets can squeak this out.
San Diego at Cincinnati - LdT is pretty good.
San Francisco at Detroit - Oh God.
Washington at Philadelphia - The Eagles manage to break their losing streak.
Denver at Oakland - Denver breaks the single-game sack record with 14.
Dallas at Arizona - Poor Dallas. Arizona's gonna come out and take an early lead, but that doesn't mean shit as we've seen. However, Dallas is a mess right now and I don't think they'll be able to take advantage of any Cardinal miscues.
New Orleans at Pittsburgh - Be honest. Would you have thought this before Week 1?
St. Louis at Seattle - Seattle's kinda struggling without Alexander and Hasselbeck.
Chicago at N.Y. Giants - Repeat of 1985, where Miami was the only team to defeat da Bears.
Monday
Tampa Bay at Carolina - Monte Kiffen figures out how to jam up Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson. Failing that, we'll just start playing for draft position.
11/12/2006
11/04/2006
Week 9 predictions
Sunday
Atlanta at Detroit - Holy shit, Michael Vick out of fucking nowhere.
Cincinnati at Baltimore - The Ravens are 50-50 playing against teams with winning records (Chargers, Broncos, Panthers, Saints for W, L, L, W).
Dallas at Washington - Big fucking rivalry game; big fucking deal.
Green Bay at Buffalo - The Packers are awful. So are the Bills.
Houston at N.Y. Giants - Easy pick.
Kansas City at St. Louis - The Rams win in a Wild West shootout, 94-93.
Miami at Chicago - I will be taking a nap during this game.
New Orleans at Tampa Bay - Sigh. I'm getting the Antoine Cash jersey for my birthday. I'll wear it with my "U" hat for extra shame.
Tennessee at Jacksonville - David (Steve?) Garrard (Garraud?) is starting. That's a good thing.
Minnesota at San Francisco - Superbowl-winning QB Brad Johnson versus the Tiniest Hands in the League.
Cleveland at San Diego - The Browns are terrible.
Denver at Pittsburgh - Two (more) concussions for Roflberger. The Donkos D is gonna have a fucking field day for INTs.
Indianapolis at New England - My God I'm glad this game isn't the Monday Night game. Joe Theismann would spend 3 hours gulping down quarterback cum non-fucking-stop. As it is, there's gonna be a lot of cock-gobbling QB love. Also: laser, rocket arm.
Monday
Oakland at Seattle - Well. It's good to know I can go to bed early Monday.
Atlanta at Detroit - Holy shit, Michael Vick out of fucking nowhere.
Cincinnati at Baltimore - The Ravens are 50-50 playing against teams with winning records (Chargers, Broncos, Panthers, Saints for W, L, L, W).
Dallas at Washington - Big fucking rivalry game; big fucking deal.
Green Bay at Buffalo - The Packers are awful. So are the Bills.
Houston at N.Y. Giants - Easy pick.
Kansas City at St. Louis - The Rams win in a Wild West shootout, 94-93.
Miami at Chicago - I will be taking a nap during this game.
New Orleans at Tampa Bay - Sigh. I'm getting the Antoine Cash jersey for my birthday. I'll wear it with my "U" hat for extra shame.
Tennessee at Jacksonville - David (Steve?) Garrard (Garraud?) is starting. That's a good thing.
Minnesota at San Francisco - Superbowl-winning QB Brad Johnson versus the Tiniest Hands in the League.
Cleveland at San Diego - The Browns are terrible.
Denver at Pittsburgh - Two (more) concussions for Roflberger. The Donkos D is gonna have a fucking field day for INTs.
Indianapolis at New England - My God I'm glad this game isn't the Monday Night game. Joe Theismann would spend 3 hours gulping down quarterback cum non-fucking-stop. As it is, there's gonna be a lot of cock-gobbling QB love. Also: laser, rocket arm.
Monday
Oakland at Seattle - Well. It's good to know I can go to bed early Monday.
NCAA
Well, a heart-breaker in Miami tonight. However, it wasn't a total shitfest. Miami actually showed up to play for the 2nd half, which was a nice thing to see. I'm not sure what the problem is with Miami, but it's there. Maybe it's recruiting, maybe it's the new conference, maybe it's just the talent pool in the Southeast isn't as hot recently. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's not Larry Coker.
I actually got to see a live game today in the Citrus Bowl. UCF lost to Eastern Carolina. It was a lot of fun seeing a game live even with the loss. Shout-out to the guy who kept up a non-stop string of profanity throughout the first half. He really hammered home the difference between TV and live.
So, the big thing I want to mention is the last few seconds of the first half of the Wisconsin-Penn State game. Wisconsin scored a TD to make it 10-7 with a bit of time left on the clock. The Wisonsin coach found a loophole in the new game clock rules, though. See, now the clock starts when the football is kicked as opposed to touched by the receiving team. So Wisconsin comes out and deliberately goes offsides on the kick. A few seconds tick off the clock, the ball is backed up 5 yards, and they set up to rekick. Wisconsin again goes deliberately offsides on the kick, a few seconds tick off, the ball is backed up, and Joe Paterno goes apeshit. Wisconsin kicked a third time for real and there was a minimal gain on the return.
So how fucking clever is that? Kick the ball a few times and run time off the clock. Sure, eventually you'd be kicking from your own goal line, but if you just needed to run 20 seconds off, you could do that.
Anyway, I think the NCAA is going to look at this in the off-season and you'll see one of two outcomes: One, the clock rules go back to how they were last season. Two, any team that's offsides on more than, say, one kick is charged for unsportsmanlike conduct and the ball is placed on the other team's 35 or 40 or something.
I actually got to see a live game today in the Citrus Bowl. UCF lost to Eastern Carolina. It was a lot of fun seeing a game live even with the loss. Shout-out to the guy who kept up a non-stop string of profanity throughout the first half. He really hammered home the difference between TV and live.
So, the big thing I want to mention is the last few seconds of the first half of the Wisconsin-Penn State game. Wisconsin scored a TD to make it 10-7 with a bit of time left on the clock. The Wisonsin coach found a loophole in the new game clock rules, though. See, now the clock starts when the football is kicked as opposed to touched by the receiving team. So Wisconsin comes out and deliberately goes offsides on the kick. A few seconds tick off the clock, the ball is backed up 5 yards, and they set up to rekick. Wisconsin again goes deliberately offsides on the kick, a few seconds tick off, the ball is backed up, and Joe Paterno goes apeshit. Wisconsin kicked a third time for real and there was a minimal gain on the return.
So how fucking clever is that? Kick the ball a few times and run time off the clock. Sure, eventually you'd be kicking from your own goal line, but if you just needed to run 20 seconds off, you could do that.
Anyway, I think the NCAA is going to look at this in the off-season and you'll see one of two outcomes: One, the clock rules go back to how they were last season. Two, any team that's offsides on more than, say, one kick is charged for unsportsmanlike conduct and the ball is placed on the other team's 35 or 40 or something.
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